Going within quite a lot lately, in many ways. Memories–a deep dive into memories for sure, and digging to find ways to forgive myself and others. It helps to observe the detritus of the natural world melting and becoming the fertile soil for new life. It helps to witness the value in darkness and decay.

Tonight I found this journal entry while looking for something else, and it spoke to me. Lyra Bellaqua is the main protagonist in Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials series, and I am currently reading La Belle Sauvage, from his new series, set in Lyra’s very early life. This full moon, I have heard, is about balancing and purging. Loving your darknesses and other’s darknesses. So this fit and I felt like sharing it. Love to all.

04/30/2017
I have a coterie of harpies that watches for any sign of happiness in me, so they can come over and shit on it.

They are very vigilant and sensitive.

But Lyra met the harpies in hell and made allies of them. This is what I will need to do. This is what I have been doing since I was 34 or so. Since I finally realized I didn’t believe in the world I’d been trying to fit into.

Traveling through hell is a stripping away of lies. Stripping away all the lies about who you or others thought you were, what your life is, what is important and not important. Stripping away the fiction of time—that we have time, and that our story is written in time and we must bear it, constantly adding to it, until we finally die.

I am writing this morning because I’m so stuck I don’t know what else to do. Dying inside not writing. It wakens me.

I See You and I Love You. ~Robin Crow